It is hard to always be positive all the time. I fight with it daily. Nevertheless, I have to keep reminding myself if I see everything negatively, I WILL feel the negative effects all day and my mood will be sully, irritable and gloomy.
On the other hand, IF I apply some positive thinking and focus on positive things, I will have a better day. I can o-p-e-n myself and my heart to feel joy… It is my choice. (I just have to remember to apply it.)
LOVE – True LOVE Can Climb EVERY Mountain
It may sound funny, but Joan and I had a common bond in a theory. Like our Peanut Butter and Jelly theory in July 5, 1990. Our first real connection…aka deep conversation (over essential values and beliefs of living) which let Joan see a glimpse of the true inner person..beyond the obnoxious-insulting humor/behavior (Bipolar Gives You Smooth Pick-up Lines).
I knew at that very night, I would marry her. It was not love at first sight. I knew Joan, I played basketball with her brother and hung, from time to time, in the same group of friends. She was just so out of my league: she was smart, gorgeous, and spiritual. When I did try to talk to her, it did not go so well for me…called her “a cow,”…another time, I told her she reminded me of “Joanie from Happy Days…I Loved Joanie, she was so pretty” then in the next breath, overly emphasized how she looked nothing like her and basically insulted Joan in front of friends. Clearly, I had no clue how to talk to her.
She went so far as to tell her brother to stop hanging out with me because I was a negative influence. WHO Does That?!
Then, one night at Chilis, a group of 20 friends went out to eat together. I was there with my friend’s cousin. She was an artist and he/my friend and I thought it would be cool if we were related. But she was so vain, and self-diluted. Everything was about her. I could not get one word in… then, I turned around and who was behind me?… Joan…I started talking to her instead. Before long, I changed seats….to be closer to Joan. Finally, the DEEP “Real” connection/communication – and yes, PB&J was one of the cosmic ties to our instant connection.
When I drew this series of Mental Health Humor Cartoons for The Family Stew, it stirred up of a lot old memories. Some very Good, but with the good, it gave me a chance to examine some of the experiences which should have been markers/signs of a real (mental health) problem. (I omitted a lot so as not to over-sensationalize.)
Nevertheless, reminiscing about what brought Joan and I together and what has kept us together these past 26 (25 married/1 year dating) years…it has taken every type of Duct Tape, Glue & Epoxy mixed with Love and Compassion and Forgiveness! No marriage is perfect, and if you think you have one, you’re naive. Marriage takes work. A marriage mixed with Bipolar Disorder (and/or any chronic health issue) takes an extraordinary effort by both partners. (A Bipolar Relationship – Is it survivable?)
But Joan and I almost never would of gotten together if it wasn’t for PB&J!
Not long after this, the great Mt. Monadnock epic, see blog posts below for further context:
Mt. Monadnock: The Top of the World? | Mt. Monadnock: What Happened? | Mt. Monadnock: What did I learn? | Mt. Monadnock: Emotional Mountain
Mt. Monadnock Take Two
While Young– you can see love and cosmic meaning in anything. One Fact hanging over me: I needed closure on…Mount Monadnock! Almost a year after I got lost on Monadnock– Joan and I, together with a small group of friends, climbed to the summit…for my own victory climb. Together– Joan and I reached the summit and together we came down! I put Monadnock behind me until the past week when I wrote about my experience…so for the second time, I will put it behind me.
It was because of Monadnock that I suffered my first major crisis…
Yet, Mt. Monadnock led me to Joan.
What is the take away of this journey?
I was lost, I was crushed, I was forgotten – I wanted to give up! I should of given in…however, when we push forward: we may have scraps, cuts, bumps, and bruises…but we can push our way to the top of every emotional mountain…No matter how big or small the struggle. Having a partner or caregiver will prolong the success. Having a mate share your cosmic world on this journey is also a nice treat.